• Replacement Shoelaces Just Not The Same

  • Tailor Refers To Customer’s Ass As ‘The Situation Back Here’

  • Parents Quietly Rush To Finish Sex As Toddler Scratches At Locked Door

  • Borat Voice Used For Victim Impact Statement

  • Therapist Taking Other Personality’s Side

  • Loudness Of Man’s Sneeze Clearly Some Sort Of Dominance Display

  • Movie Old Enough To Refer To Every Drug As ‘Dope’

  • Man With Shellfish Allergy Killed By Gun Of All Things

  • Man Just Sayin’

  • 811 Called Before Burying Victim In Yard

  • NDA Violated At First Possible Opportunity

  • Man Googles ‘Easy Hobbies’

  • TSA Discontinues Bomb-Eating Dogs

  • Bump Taken Off Fentanyl Test Strip

  • Dog Understands Loneliness Of Success After Tug Of War Victory

  • Sign Clarifies Street Named After Different Martin Luther King

  • Ejaculation Dodged

  • Lesbian Softball Team Brings In 4’9” Ringer

  • Autistic Husband Gifted Label Maker

  • Supposed Little Ditty About Jack, Diane Ends Up Being Huge Fucking Ordeal


  • EPA Assures Public That Air Still Safe For Non-Breathing Applications

The Onion: Sending Emails For Over A Hundred Years.

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  • New Aphasia Study Finds Empty Fullness Brokered Yellow Ideas Happily




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